Bill Gates Jokes

The three Bills all die at the same time, Bill Clinton, Billy Graham, and Bill Gates. As St. Peter was taking a sabbatical, so they all went directly to God for judgement. Bill Clinton is first.

God leans over and says," Bill Clinton, what do you believe?"

Clinton says, "I believe in peace for all mankind!"

God says, "Wonderful!, come and sit on my left."

Then God says, "Billy Graham, what do you believe?"

Billy Graham says, "I believe in the salvation of all mankind!"

God says, "Excellent! come and sit on my right."

Then God says, "Bill Gates, what do you believe?"

Bill Gates says, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

Bill Gates wanted to impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure Microsoft's accomplishments against General Motors. His comparison went like this:

If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V8, and it would have a top speed of 100,000 miles per hour(160,000km/hr).

Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and gets 1,000 miles to the gallon of gasoline.

In either case, the price of the new car would be less than $50.00.

In response to Gates' goading, a GM spokesman rep[lied:

"Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes 4 times a day?

GM's spokesperson then said, "If Microsoft built cars:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this and drive on.

3. Occasionally, your car would stop and fail to restart and you'd have to reinstall the engine. For some reason, you'd just have to accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as fast, and was twice as easy to drive -- but would only run on 5 percent of the roads.

6. Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

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