Lawyer and Law Jokes

Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?

A: Skeet.

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?

A: Their personalities.

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What do you say when you see 100 lawyers buried up to their neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

A: They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull terrier?

A: Lipstick.

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Lawyers - People who keep others from taking your money while stealing it themselves!

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

"$250.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.

"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

"Yes," the lawyer replied, "Now what's your third question?"

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

I walked into a post office last valentine's day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on a huge pile of bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then he took out perfume bottle and starts spraying the scent all over the envelopes.

I was so curious, I went up to the balding man and asked him what he was doing.

"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?", I asked, incredulously.

"I'm a divorce lawyer", he replied!

"How could you marry that man", snivelled the mother, "knowing he was a burglar?"

"I couldn't help it", replied the distraught daughter, "It was him or the lawyer!".

Like some more - try our flexible jokes! All apply to lawyers!

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