Yet More One-Liners

Another one-liner set from a site visitor - enjoy!

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm!
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
• The Early bird gets the worm, but the Second Mouse gets the cheese
• I’m not cheap but I’m on special this week
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
• I drive way too fast to worry about Cholesterol
• I intend to live forever - so far so good
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
• Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
• Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty and illegal in 37 states
• Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
• Support bacteria – they’re the only culture most people have
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
• When everything is going your way, you have to be in the wrong lane
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
• Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you
• If I worked as much as others, I’d do as little as they do
• 24 hours in a day… 24 beers in a case… coincidence?
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something!
• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don’t have film.
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disc?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery
• Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark
• Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people and kill them.
• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor?
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
• For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
• Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
• Black holes are where God divided by zero
• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand

Think you can do better? Sure you can! Why not email your joke for inclusion in our visitors section to us at jokes@makeemlaugh.com. Please email jokes with your name and state or country for publication. Please let us have you name, address and telephone number (not for publication) and your email address indicating if you would like us to publish it with your joke!