Jokes for the vain among us!

People have been pricking the skin about their "vain" friends since time immemorial. So use these quick jokes to poke a little fun at your more conceited acquaintances. (Note, jokes marker * have been submitted by site visitors).

He's (or she's) so vain that:

He's planning to take his own hand in marriage!

He joined the navy so the world could see him!

His new book is entitled "Famous People Who Have Met Me"!

Half an hour after he left the bathroom, the mirror is still warm!

He has a mirror on the bathroom ceiling to watch himself gargle.

He believes in love at first sight, since he saw himself in the mirror!

"Tell me, Do you think I'm vain?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Because people as good looking as I am usually are!"

What vanity makes them say?

"I am not vain, although I have every right to be!"

"He's more interested in himself than me!"

"I don't think I am particularly good looking. But then what's my opinion against thousands of others?"

• He had a dreadful accident while walking, he was hit by a motorboat!
• He's undergone a religious conversion; he no longer believes he's god!
• He was so vain he had to see a shrink. Now after 3 months treatment he's the nicest guy you could wish to meet
• The only time he doesn't look in the mirror is when he's backing into a parking place.
• He's the only man I know who failed his driving test for looking in the mirror too often.
• He's a self made man, who gives everyone else the recipe!

A scientist was giving evidence at a trial. Asked to introduce himself he said "I am the greatest Scientist of my generation!"

"Surely, Sir you could give yourself a more modest introduction?", asked the lawyer.

"Sir, but I am under Oath!"

Think you can do better? Sure you can! Why not email your joke for inclusion in our visitors section to us at jokes@makeemlaugh.com. Please email jokes with your name and state or country for publication. Please let us have you name, address and telephone number (not for publication) and your email address indicating if you would like us to publish it with your joke!