Variable Jokes

There are lots of jokes you can tell where the subject or butt of the joke can be changed to suit the audience, your personal prejudices or the political leanings or state of intoxication of your friends. These are FlexiJokes. You can tell them about Bankers, Accountants, Lawyers (always a favorite), Doctors, Politicians, Teachers - what ever turns you off. So try the jokes on your friends but substitute your pet hate for the bold name.

The Tooth Fairy, a low priced Dentist and Davy Crockett were walking along a road together when they saw a $100 bill. Who picked it up?

Davy Crockett! The other two are figments of your imagination!!!

Have you heard about the new law they've just passed. Bankers have to be buried 10 feet down!

Why's that?

Because deep down they are nice people!

Jack and his companions were in a hot air balloon which ran into low cloud and they got completely lost. Eventually a small break in the cloud revealed a man walking below. They dropped the balloon height to shouting distance and yelled "Where are we?"

"Up in a Balloon, 30 feet above the ground", came the quick reply.

"That man is an Accountant" declared Jack!

"How do you know that?" asked his bemused companions.

"Because the information he has given is perfectly correct but completely useless!"!

A man was in a deep Coma in hospital and the Doctor's despaired of bringing him round. Suddenly a nurse said "I know this man and can bring him round quickly". With that she leaned down and whispered in his ear! He immediately opened his eyes, sat up and asked for his secretary.

"That's fantastic", said the consultant, "what on earth did you say?"

"Oh its easy", the nurse replied, "He's a lawyer. All I had to do was whisper 'You can't bill clients while you're unconscious'!"

What's the difference between a Lawyer and a Catfish.

One's a dirty scum sucking bottom feeder and the other's a fish.

A new client had just come in to see a famous Lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge please?", said the client.

"Of course", the Lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well that's a bit steep isn't it?

"Yes it is", said the Lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

Here's another variant based on a visitor submission from NR of Chicago

An Engineer is giving his acceptance speech after winning the "Model Engineer of the Year" award.

As he talks his pride gets the better of him and his head swells and the boasts get larger and more exaggerated. His wife, sitting next to him, realizes that he will now be even more insufferable for weeks. As he sits down, she leans over and whispers to him. "Very nice, dear, but we should remember what a model is; a small replica of the real thing!

The Travel Agent died and went to heaven. When his turn came to stand in front of St. Peter the scales stayed horizontal balancing good and evil perfectly.

"That's very unusual", said St. Peter, "Now I am not sure whether to send you to heaven or hell?"

"Well what are they like?", asked the Travel Agent, and St. Peter handed him a book.

The pages describing heaven showed lots of people sitting around in white clothes singing hymns and praying. In contrast the pages on hell showed scantilly dressed people sitting round lovely sandy beaches, swimming pools and cool clean seas.

"Well if I have the choice I'll go to hell then.", said the Travel Agent.

So St. Peter pulled the lever and the agent dropped through into a sea of boiling stinking stuff with fires everywhere. As the doors above closed the Travel Agent yelled at St. Peter "This isn't what you told me"

"Ah", said St. Peter, "but that was the brochure!"

Think you can do better? Sure you can! Why not email your joke for inclusion in our visitors section to us at jokes@makeemlaugh.com. Please email jokes with your name and state or country for publication. Please let us have you name, address and telephone number (not for publication) and your email address indicating if you would like us to publish it with your joke!